This Is the Way Things Are. Period.

Righteous indignation is not an emotion to be toyed with.  It is very powerful and can cause tremendous heartache for those who misuse it. (I'm looking at you, Dylan McDermott!)  The road home from Washington, D.C. is littered with the vulture-festooned, decayed carcasses of those who overplayed the "How-dare-you-sir!" card.

But righteous indignation exists for a reason and does have a legitimate purpose.

You may ask, "And what is that purpose?"

Answer:  When you have to wait more than one second for the person ahead of you to proceed through a green light.  This is the only legitimate reason to be outraged.

For some reason, I have found that only people who live on the West Side of Los Angeles understand this basic tenant of existence as a quorum.  People in more-rural environs or namby-pamby cities clearly don't grasp that the appropriate reaction to this crime against humanity is to lay on your horn for at least six seconds for every second you are made to wait.

There is one other reason for righteous indignation, although it is clearly not as crucial to the continued existence of humanity as the previous reason.  If you are riding a bicycle in a tight, brightly-colored outfit on a mountain road with no bicycle lane, you must righteously stay in the middle of the car lane and never swerve into a turnout to let the 100 yards of cars lined up behind you pass.  The DMV has given you right of way in every instance where you come in contact with a car.  So, you must protect that right at all costs.  You are absolutely right to do so.  Dead right.

Oh, yeah!  Righteous indignation is also the appropriate reaction if someone signals to change lanes in front of you.  You should show how right you are in this instance by speeding up and not letting the other person in.  After all, Hell would be released from its bindings if someone got ahead of you.  Doesn't the other person realize that the freeway is really a race?  How can you win the race if someone wants to be in front of you?  On the freeway, enough people getting ahead of you on a long-enough trip can put you a whole half mile behind where you would have been which would result in you being nearly thirty seconds later to your destination.  Can't they see the serious ramifications of this?

And another one: Let's not forget how important it is to show your righteous indignation when anyone on TV says something you don't agree with.  Clearly, television personalities must be smarter than the rest of us because they are on TV.  Their opinion means so much more than any one of ours because they have earned the responsibility of thinking for us.  So, the right thing to do is scream at the TV and lead a boycott against the show.  In a situation like this, nothing more important can be done with your time.  Don't even think of using that same time to work for a charity.  That would be wrong.

I almost forgot!  Righteous indignation is the correct response if you have ever eaten a Velveeta and Spam sandwich.

Oh, and here's a list of more things that should be greeted with righteous indignation because they only exist to spite you.  It is completely personal:

• Barney
• Imitation bacon bits
• Streetlights that go out as you pass under them
• Acoustic (popcorn) ceilings
• Other people's stuff
• Straws that don't work because they have a split in them
• Animals you find ugly
• Polyester
• Traffic laws
• Crying babies
• Wallpaper
• The visible spectrum to the left of yellow
• Milkweed
• Disembodied toenail clippings
• Elements you can't pronounce
• White raisins
• Barber poles
• The name "Esther"
• All cats
• The behavior of sports teams for which you don't root

This list is complete and final.  Although, I will allow that there may be one or two other appropriate targets for righteous indignation that I missed (which in and of itself would be grounds for righteous indignation).  If you think of one, put it in the comments so that I may respond with outrage.  I'll practice here:  

What is the meaning of this!? This, sir, puts an end to our friendship! Can you not see that disagreement with my point of view is unacceptable?  If you do not, you are clearly worthy of my righteous indignation.  Good day!  I said good day, sir!