May You Live in Interesting Times

I know where my bread is buttered. It's not about career, although that's important. It's all about family and love, maudlin as some may find that sentiment. We're just trying to do the right thing from moment to moment. That is its own reward. As they say.

My mother-in-law moved in with us a week ago, today. There was really no other option. She'd had a number of small strokes (TIAs) and was no longer able to work and take care of herself. It's amazing that she was able to live independently as long as she did; driving to work and earning her own living at the age of 85.

But all good things... 

Natica and Marshall around 2001

In the last week, her decline has been shockingly precipitous. A week ago, she was arguing with us about which hospice provider she wanted. She grilled the hospice nurse sharply, to the point of being rude, and needing a rebuke from Andi and me. By contrast, she couldn't remember how to swallow or hold a glass, this morning. She couldn't track basic commands (like "Put the pill in your mouth."). One week from sharp to absent. 

She's recovered—a little bit—since this morning. But, Natica is no longer completely with us. The nurse visited earlier this afternoon and told us that she'd had another TIA and will definitely continue to have them. In fact, it's likely that she'll have a massive stroke. We were offered the choice of putting her on a large regimen of aspirin to thin her blood and prevent further strokes. But, this will make her a bleeding risk. Plus, one kidney has failed and the other has stage 3 kidney disease. So, that's an indication that aspirin shouldn't be taken. And either way, she'll still be a stroke risk. So, we've decided against the aspirin; first do no harm, right?

Natica's health has declined so quickly that we were caught off guard and have been struggling a little to care for her. So, we're working on getting her into a hospice facility. Before she became an unreliable narrator, she told us that she would prefer to live in a place like that as opposed to with us—if things went in this direction. But now, there's no choice. She needs round-the-clock care. Andi and I can't provide that while still working. This will require her getting MediCal. The application is in. As soon as it's been acknowledged as being submitted, we can get her into a hospice facility (if a bed is available). So, that will be sometime this week, if the fates allow.  

When my mother passed away in January, her decline was equally as sharp. Of course, we don't know what the future will bring. But Andi, Marshall and I are still reeling from that loss, as well as the loss of my cousin, Margo, who passed away the same week as my mother. This isn't a complaint, or self pity. It's just grief. It takes time.

But we won't be letting 2014 get us on the ropes. We're thinking as positively as we can. We're moving into our dream house in the next few months and going on vacation in July (assuming we can find a place for Natica during that time, if she's still with us).

So, list of things to be grateful for:

• Great family

• Dream marriage

• Son without fault

• Incredible friends who are also really great people

• Wonderful pets

• A career and workplace that makes me feel like I won the lottery

• Coworkers that are seemingly too good to be true

• Good health (I lost 20 pounds, got control of my blood pressure, dramatically reduced my cholesterol and blood sugar, got my asthma completely under control, and dealt with some other things I won't talk about here so I don't embarrass you all)

It's all about context. I'm reminded of the old curse,"May you dance in the sun... with butter on your head." We're working to move the butter to our bread.